One Therapy to Rule Them All, One Therapy to Bind Them
By: Kira Harland LMFT, PPS
Why Filial Play Therapy, and its shorter version Child Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT), is so effective.
Before the 1960s, therapy for children went a little like this: a caregiver brought their unruly child to a psychotherapist who would (hopefully) use play to help the child through whatever was so concerning. This expert essentially “solved” the child’s problem. The effectiveness was quite variable for an obvious reason: usually children’s behavior has a lot more to do with their environment than with their own mental health.
Louise and Bernard Gurney realized something revolutionary: if we teach the caregivers how to therapeutically play with their child, then not only will this improve the home dynamics and the child’s symptoms, but also the caregivers can use these skills as their children grow, diminishing the need for more therapy. They named it Filial Play Therapy, and it continues to be one of the most effective models for treating oppositional defiance, ADHD, Autism, anxiety disorders, depression, trauma, and childhood stress.
In the last 30 years, a 10-week model of Filial has emerged called CPRT that has been heavily researched to prove its effectiveness. So, what makes Filial so powerful?
Filial Play Therapy teaches parents how to conduct Child-Centered Play Therapy:
Child Centered Play Therapy is more than a style of therapy, it’s a way of being with a child while responding empathically. The sessions follow the lead of the child, where the facilitator relays the feelings and behaviors that arise with a non-judgemental attitude. Because there is no “intervention” by the adult other than being fully present and setting boundaries as needed, anyone can do it!
Filial Play Therapy creates a safe space for a child to feel powerful:
When people of any age have a creative outlet, they naturally feel more soothed, concentrated, and whole. By giving your child space to have some autonomy, and be fully accepted for who they are, their need for taking charge in other environments decreases. More times than I can count, a caregiver will let me know about a month into treatment something like this: “Usually she would throw a fit when I told her to change for bed, now she just shrugs and says, ‘ok’.”
It can feel counterintuitive to change a child’s experience of the world without directly talking to them about their behavior. Yet the research – and my professional experience – show that setting aside time for your child to feel in control reduces tantrums, anxiety, and other unsettling behaviors. Why? Because child-centered play therapy calms their nervous system and helps them feel more relaxed.
Filial Play Therapy enhances the Caregiver-Child relationship:
Play is a child’s first and natural language; when caregivers join their child in play where they follow the child’s lead, there is an automatic shared understanding and experience. Just like learning a foreign language, when caregivers master child-centered play, they can better understand their child. And in turn, the child feels more connected.
Filial Play Therapy warmly supports Caregivers:
The practice of play is rooted in the present-focused here and now. Filial Play Therapy guides caregivers in using the skills of child-centered play for the limited time allotted per session, without pressuring them to behave so attuned at each and every second. Instead of bogging down caregivers with suggestions, worksheets, systems, and phrases, the focus is on helping caregivers show up authentically to the play session, with gentle in-ear coaching as necessary.
Additionally, my work in therapeutic pre-schools means one thing: I also have been hit, bit, cursed at, you name it! I understand what it is like to try to soothe a distressed child, and am here to guide you through those difficult moments.
Filial Play Therapy is inherently fun and connective:
The joy and connection felt during child-centered play is unparalleled. As a facilitator, I am often laughing alongside the families! Challenging moments will arise during sessions, maybe a child grows frustrated or has difficulty with limits, and working through these moments together enhances connectedness.
Randall Obsidian offers Filial Therapy! To learn more about whether Filial Play Therapy is right for your family, reach out for a free consultation by completing the form below or giving us a call.