Will getting a formal diagnosis help or hurt my kid?

By: Kira Harland LMFT, PPS

After another embarrassing call home from school, or tantrum in the grocery store, or difficult nighttime routine, you’re feeling pretty stumped. The parenting trends on Instagram don’t seem to work! Your worrying thoughts usually go like this: Is there something actually wrong with my kid? Was it this hard with my first kid? Is this just a normal part of growing up?

When I was placed in a public school as an on-site therapist, I saw the gamut of challenging behaviors whirl through the classroom. The get-up-out-of-seat’ers to the refuse-to-come-inside-from-recess’ers to the I’ll-start-a-fight-if-you-look-at-me-wrong’ers. 

Often a child I barely knew would approach me crying as though they could sense I was the kind of nice adult who would listen to their problems and offer a reassuring hug. The children often begged to come to my office or at least have me sit next to them in the classroom. 

See, the children didn’t seem to have a problem with me.

It was usually the parents. And for a good reason.

A child officially on my caseload was required– for financial reasons– to have a diagnosis. That alone is a tough call for parents to make. 

After consulting with many parents, I’ve developed a list of considerations to mull over before choosing to pursue a diagnosis for your child.

Let’s start with the benefits of diagnosing children, especially early:

Almost all diagnoses given to children are treatable in one way or another. Even when certain neurodevelopmental disorders stick around for life, treatment with a professional can often improve undesirable symptoms. For anxiety, we teach children how to express their emotions. For oppositional defiance, we re-teach parent-child relationship dynamics, and provide space for children to channel their need for control. For trauma, we support children in building safety and security to foster healing. And for autism, we teach social skills. 

A diagnosis can also allow for your child to receive school accommodations, such as an IEP or 504, which may include extra academic support. As a reminder, IEPs and 504’s can be revoked by a parent at any time, meaning this isn’t a lifelong commitment. 

Children who work with professionals will be able to learn positive coping tools while developing a positive self-concept in the process. The earlier we can address a behavior, the faster it will resolve!

What could happen if I don’t seek a diagnosis or professional support for my child?

While many children can grow out of their idiosyncrasies without the help of a professional, they will typically develop harmful coping skills in the process. For instance, a child who is berated for getting out of their seat, may develop negative self-talk to try to control their own impulses. Another child who is told they cry too often, may internalize their anxiety by tensing their muscles in ways that lead to stomach aches, rashes, and other somatic symptoms.

In my work with teens and young adults, I often find that the difficulties they were facing started in early childhood! If you seek help for your child when they are young, you support their lifelong development. And as a bonus, when difficulties do arise later on in life, they are more likely to seek professional help due to their positive experiences as a child, which lowers their risk for suicidality and substance use.

What are the drawbacks of diagnosing?

Sometimes a diagnosis is given when a child is experiencing undue life stress, such as a chaotic classroom environment, new baby in the home, or loss of a family member. I suggest parents speak frequently with the diagnosing professional during the assessment phase to ensure the behaviors and symptoms seen are properly contextualized.

Additionally, certain diagnoses carry stigma that may lead to prejudice from others. For example, children diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder or ADHD may be given less grace and patience by a teacher than a non-diagnosed child who is having a difficult day.

While you want to protect your child from such adversity, you’ll need to consider whether the symptoms and behaviors are significantly impacting your child’s emotional, social, and academic well-being. See the last point below for the “work-around” if you would like treatment but want to avoid diagnoses.

Will my child need to take medicine if they are diagnosed?

Not at all! Most youth mental health disorders are treatable without medication. Once you’ve received a diagnosis, you can talk to the pediatrician for a more thorough opinion, however, therapy is one of the most effective forms of treatment.

In my own practice, I have seen certain medications work very well for children who have impulse control issues (like impulsive aggression, getting up out of seat) and attention difficulties (like ADHD).

Do you have the financial means to pay out-of-pocket without reimbursement for a provider?

If you answer yes to this question, then you have the privilege to bypass a “formal” diagnosis and seek mental health, occupational, or speech therapy without necessitating a diagnosis. A competent practitioner will convey their professional opinion toward diagnoses and develop a targeted treatment plan, however, they are not required to report this diagnosis to a school nor medical provider. The exception may be in emergencies if your child is suicidal, or display other risk factors, in which they may contact law enforcement, and if their records are subpoena’d by a court. 

Here at Randall Obsidian Marriage & Family therapy, we don’t report diagnoses to medical insurance.

If you are wondering how to get the most support for your child’s behaviors, and are considering whether it is worth receiving a diagnosis, give us a call or fill out your details below for a free consultation! As a diagnosing practitioner, I can help you consider the costs and benefits for pursuing diagnosis.